arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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