She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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