Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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