is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
