i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
