By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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