Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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