if you like me you must not know who I am
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
