Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
