Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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