I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
