there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
