I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
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I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
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We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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