If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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