There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
