that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
