i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
