In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
