your parents love me but you hate me
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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