I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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