She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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