Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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