Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
