I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
