kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
