I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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