Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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