Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize