Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
