i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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