I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
