i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I forget how to act sober
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
