I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
