i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
