We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
