He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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