I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
