the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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