Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You ruined the universe
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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