Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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