And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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