I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
