I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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