Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
