ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
