I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
