My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
