I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
tell me about the eggs
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
