i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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