I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
