guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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