she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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