i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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