i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
