Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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