i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
