Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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