The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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