3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
