soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
