I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
