i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
