the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
