i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
